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Free Range Rude copyright 2003, by Drandmrslecter & Dr. Peter Disclaimer:
These characters were created by Thomas
Harris. They are used herein without permission, but in the spirit of
admiration and respect. No infringement of copyright is intended, and no
profit, of any kind, is made by the creator, maintainer or contributors to this
site. Author's Note: This challenge piece was written in a very unusual manner. Peter and I recorded a conversation yesterday in which he played the part of Lecter and I played the role of Starling. Neither one of us knew what the other was going to say, though we did work out the premise beforehand. The rest was completely spontaneous using one of the techniques Peter practices with some of his patients. What you are about to read is an exact transcript of that unrehearsed role-play. L-Lecter/DrPeter S-Starling/Drandmrslecter S-It could work, but it’s not going to be easy. L-In what way? S-Well first of all, you’re going to need a hell of a lot of tape. And then there’s always the possibility.... L-There’s no need to elaborate further, Clarice. I’ve done this a few times before. S-I realize that, Doctor, but still, your whimsy has been known to get in your way before. That’s how you got caught. L-Very interesting. Please continue. S-Well, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. L-And? You’d like a special token, no doubt. S-As special as the first one you gave me. L-Indeed. S-So what do you think? L-It’s an idea worth taking into consideration. S-So you’ll do it? L-Certainly. Free range rude is in season now. S-Speaking of which, let’s log onto the board and see if he/she/it has been around. L-What name would you like me to use? S-Yours. L-All-right. S-So? Any more rude and catty remarks? L-As a matter of fact, there is one here that was just posted not too long ago. S-Oh, NO! Now what? L-It says here, and I’m quoting, “I want to be as big a nuisance as I possibly can. Don’t hate me. I just need some attention.”…spelling ‘attention’-a-t-t-e-n-s-h-u-n. S-What a geek…..G-E-E-K!! L-Our troll wasn’t born a geek, Clarice. It was made one by years of systematic abuse. S-So are you ready to get started? L-Always. S-When you’re done, I don’t want there to be anything left. L-I take it you mean no leftovers. S-Exactly. We’ll eat all of the parts worth enjoying in one shot. L-Fine. Sweetbreads don’t keep well. They should be consumed within 24 hours to ensure maximum flavor and texture. S-I know. I’ve watched you cook them enough times. L-Yes, you certainly have. S-Tell me, Doctor, would you ever say to me… L-Not that wretched line again. After two years, it still tears at my nerves like a wedge of pecorino on a hand grater. S-Stop talking for a minute and kiss me. L-You taste exquisite. S-And you have exquisite taste. But I think we should get started now. L-As do I. S-What do you think the other board members will do when they realize what’s happened? L-Offer up one hundred prayers in thanksgiving. S-I’ll stay out of your way, but let me do the bloody eagle just this one time, OK? L-Do not say “OK”. S-OK L-It’s getting late. S-I’ll drive. Let’s take the Jag. L-Very well, Clarice but do be careful going over the speed bumps. The air bag light has been going on and off since you hit that telephone pole last week. S-Well who the hell told it to jump out in front of me like that? L-How satisfying is it to know that you are still as unpredictable as ever. S-And you wouldn’t have it any other way. End of Recording copyright 2003, by Drandmrslecter & Dr. Peter |