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Free Range Rude

copyright 2003, by Drandmrslecter & Dr. Peter

Disclaimer:    These characters were created by Thomas Harris.  They are used herein without permission, but in the spirit of admiration and respect.  No infringement of copyright is intended, and no profit, of any kind, is made by the creator, maintainer or contributors to this site.

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Author's Note: This challenge piece was written in a very unusual manner. Peter and I recorded a conversation yesterday in which he played the part of Lecter and I played the role of Starling. Neither one of us knew what the other was going to say, though we did work out the premise beforehand. The rest was completely spontaneous using one of the techniques Peter practices with some of his patients. What you are about to read is an exact transcript of that unrehearsed role-play.


S-It could work, but itís not going to be easy.
L-In what way?
S-Well first of all, youíre going to need a hell of a lot of tape. And then thereís always the possibility....
L-Thereís no need to elaborate further, Clarice. Iíve done this a few times before.
S-I realize that, Doctor, but still, your whimsy has been known to get in your way before. Thatís how you got caught.
L-Very interesting. Please continue.
S-Well, Valentineís Day is just around the corner.
L-And? Youíd like a special token, no doubt.
S-As special as the first one you gave me.
S-So what do you think?
L-Itís an idea worth taking into consideration.
S-So youíll do it?
L-Certainly. Free range rude is in season now.
S-Speaking of which, letís log onto the board and see if he/she/it has been around.
L-What name would you like me to use?
S-So? Any more rude and catty remarks?
L-As a matter of fact, there is one here that was just posted not too long ago.
S-Oh, NO! Now what?
L-It says here, and Iím quoting, ďI want to be as big a nuisance as I possibly can. Donít hate me. I just need some attention.ĒÖspelling Ďattentioní-a-t-t-e-n-s-h-u-n.
S-What a geekÖ..G-E-E-K!!
L-Our troll wasnít born a geek, Clarice. It was made one by years of systematic abuse.
S-So are you ready to get started?
S-When youíre done, I donít want there to be anything left.
L-I take it you mean no leftovers.
S-Exactly. Weíll eat all of the parts worth enjoying in one shot.
L-Fine. Sweetbreads donít keep well. They should be consumed within 24 hours to ensure maximum flavor and texture.
S-I know. Iíve watched you cook them enough times.
L-Yes, you certainly have.
S-Tell me, Doctor, would you ever say to meÖ
L-Not that wretched line again. After two years, it still tears at my nerves like a wedge of pecorino on a hand grater.
S-Stop talking for a minute and kiss me.
L-You taste exquisite.
S-And you have exquisite taste. But I think we should get started now.
L-As do I.
S-What do you think the other board members will do when they realize whatís happened?
L-Offer up one hundred prayers in thanksgiving.
S-Iíll stay out of your way, but let me do the bloody eagle just this one time, OK?
L-Do not say ďOKĒ.
L-Itís getting late.
S-Iíll drive. Letís take the Jag.
L-Very well, Clarice but do be careful going over the speed bumps. The air bag light has been going on and off since you hit that telephone pole last week.
S-Well who the hell told it to jump out in front of me like that?
L-How satisfying is it to know that you are still as unpredictable as ever.
S-And you wouldnít have it any other way.

End of Recording

copyright 2003, by Drandmrslecter & Dr. Peter

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